Just on the off chance I wont live forever..

..I’ve decided to take a shot at being happy right now.

Yes, I think the latest swerve of my career has surprised us all, let’s go back to where it all started.

Actually, to any long term readers you’ll have seen that it’s been building up for a while. I’ve been unhappy with where this industry has been going for a while – starting with the wave of Ladies underpricing themselves, or at least being made to be underpriced by the cowards who are behind them. Also, the way advertising and marketing has gone downhill – with prices being raised, and hardly any returns. And the indiscriminate way that words like ‘class’, ‘BBW’, and ‘quality’ have been bandied around. Where there used to be a handful of BBW escorts that you had to really pay for (but what you paid was nothing in comparison to the service you received) there is now an influx of fly-by-night cheap escorts who will have profile up one day, and be gone the next. Or websites left to linger on listing sites, making it harder for a client to find the genuine article.

I used to be able to offer a great service, enjoyed by both parties, and they got what they expected. Now when clients see me, they’re surprised by my attention because – sadly – they’ve been going to cheaper girls and of course they’re being treated like they’re in an assembly line. Or they want to fit 5 hours into 30 minutes, and wonder why I’m not prepared to rush – obviously totally forgetting that I’m doing it because I enjoy it. And no matter how much you pay, that’s something you can’t guarantee from anyone. So slow down, relax, and let me do my thing…

I’ve been fighting a never ending battle to try and drum it into their heads that you get what you pay for. And they still don’t want to pay much. So I’m bowing out, and returning to my first love (after many loves, each one had me for at least an hour) and getting back to performing.

It took me a long time to get my confidence back. And escorting helped with that. I’ve had 7 years of growing confident in myself, and my body, and confidence in the people around me to tell me if/when I’m making a massive mistake. Also the common sense to be a proper grown up; to not take shit and really push for what I want rather than bow out out of politeness.

Should Milgram sit me down, I’ll make sure he’s on the other end of the electrodes, and go straight to 450 volts screaming ‘How do you like them apples, bitch?!’

Yes, I have confidence. And – from the amount of emails I’ve been sifting through recently – bigger balls than most of the men out there.

But why let me waffle on when you can hear it all from the horses mouth?!

In a rather surprising twist, I appear to have ‘written’ a show (it’s mainly going to be me waffling at the audience. That’s what Fringes are all about!) and you can come see it!

In fact, it’ll be the last time you get to see me. After this, I’m off. Vanishing. No more Melody anywhere. It’s not going to be some kind of massive hit, just me doing something I’ve always wanted to do before I drift into some mid suburban life, in a mid suburban town, to do suburban things like…I dunno….knitting, cakes, and board games.

So, for the bargain price of £6 (A full £144 saving on my normal hourly rate!) watch me make a knob out of myself as I try and make you laugh!

6th-8th August, 9pm for 1 hour

£6, or £5 concs

Camden People’s Theatre, London


Go! Book tickets! Try not to let me down, just this one, last time. K?


One Response to “Just on the off chance I wont live forever..”

  1. Jane Says:

    Hello, I came to see the show last night and wanted to say thank you. It was lovely to sit amongst what felt like a strangely familiar audience, listen, laugh and empathise with a lot of what you said. My only wish was that I had the power to turn that bloody heckler into an ice-sculpture for the duration. Go you! xx

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