What do you think of me?


Go on, be honest.


Do you think independent sex workers can be funny, educated, smart, sassy characters? Be full of life, love our jobs, and manage to provide a professional service? Or do you think we’re slutty hookers, opportunists with no scruples, and a magnificent sense of greed?

Of course, I know which one I prefer. But when you get accused of being the other, it can shake you. As it did on Friday when I got accused of stealing from someone’s hotel room. **SPOILER ALERT** I didn’t. Something which may seem obvious to you, who can see I have a blog I’ve been running for years, twitter feed, and a website that’s been registered to me for the last 5 years. Why would I? I’m not a thief. But of course, it’s easy to put me in that bracket and think that sex workers are automatically working on the wrong side of the law in every way they can, rather than just honest, hard working ladies who take pride in their service.

I am not someone with an adultwork profile, whose picture changes week to week. My field reports are genuine, and all positive. I take part in parties, where other ladies, as well as plenty of gents, can see who I am. There is only one Melody BBW, and I am she. And thus it will always remain so.


This really effected me, and I shouldn’t let it as it was all a massive mistake on his part. But I keep thinking ‘What if…’. What if he hadn’t found the missing item? What if he hadn’t looked in the one pocket/drawer/hiding place and found the item. Y’see, you may not believe it, but behind every good hooker is a real person, with a real life, and several very real reasons why they would not appreciate a barrage of nasty texts accusing them of heinous thievery.


So, it all started with a normal outcall to a hotel in London. Nothing unusual, and a great time had by all. At one point I had him blindfolded – I had asked if thats what he wanted, ‘Oh yes!’ came the reply. I’m happy to do it, it never occurs to me that a client might think I’m using this as a convenient time to trawl through his things (I wasn’t of course. But this should still serve as a warning to you fools and idiots out there who do pick price over quality and go for those here-today-gone-tomorrow-profiles). We play, the blindfold comes off, we carry on. I’m in no hurry and happy to sit and chat to him, I get dressed in front of him (god only know where I could have stashed anything at this point anyway), and I go home. There. End of.


I turn my phone off until the evening of the next day. I have stuff to do, it’s not unusual. But when I turn it on, there’s a barrage of texts accusing me of stealing his wedding ring. Apparently he’s called the hotel security, and will be calling the police if I don’t come and hand it in. He’s going to tell the listing sites, and warn everyone about me. He is going to cause more hassle for me, and I shouldn’t underestimate him. I should bring back the wedding ring because I’m an opportunist who saw it, and nicked it (which is even more insulting! If I’m going to do anything, I think I’d like to put a bit of forethought into it.) and should do the right thing and..and..and..

Oh, wait. What’s that? You found it? Oh. Ok.


So I should just be totally cool with that, should I? You’ve apologised for accusing me of being a thief, you feel a bit bad, and that’s it. Right.

You don’t realise that as I’m reading your texts, I’m shaking. I’m scared because I know I didn’t take anything. I have never taken anything. I’m scared because unless you realise you’ve made a mistake, I’m basically fucked. I’m scared because this is not just my job, but my whole life about to be invaded because you think I would risk that for your shitty ring?

And I’m angry. I’m angry because you haven’t looked. Because it’s easier to accuse me than actually think. Because you’ve put it somewhere, somewhere that you didn’t bother to remember. Or somewhere where it’s been knocked and fallen under some immoveable piece of furniture, and you’ve made it my fault. Because I’m a sex worker, and therefore a slutty hooker, an opportunist with no scruples, and a massive sense of greed…

You have insulted me. You’ve hurt my feelings. I’ve spent time writing this blog, my website, chatting on twitter to try and make you see we’re humans, we’re professional. We’re not predatory scavengers, just out for money. We’re funny, we’re smart, we’re Ladies who take pride in our work, and want to you enjoy your time with us because we want to enjoy it too. And in one stunningly accusatory swoop, you have ignored that, ignored the effort I have put in to building my name and reputation, because it’s easier to conclude that I am a thief, than you are just a careless prick.

And do you know how long that whole thing took? From the first, nasty accusatory text to the time he found it?


3 minutes.


I check when the texts were sent, and there were 3 minutes in it. That’s all he had to search for. 3 minutes. How far away could it have been for him to find it within 3 minutes?! He must have spent longer on writing the texts than he did looking for it.

3 minutes of looking. That’s all it would have taken. And I’m still supposed to be just fine with that. Just fine with him not fucking looking and instead just concluding that I took it. Because it’s easier.


I still don’t know what to do with this. I’m fuming that we had a lovely, friendly appointment together, and he still thought I would have done that. I’m upset at being so insulted, and angry at myself for forgetting that as nice as men can be in a booking, we should always remember that they can be absolute pricks. And I’m having flashes of panic when I think ‘What if he hadn’t found it’.


I’ll do what I normally do. Publish this blog, breathe, and thank my lucky stars that this – out of 5-6 years of escorting – is pretty much the worst thing that has happened on a booking.


And that’s not too bad.


Tags: ,

7 Responses to “J’accuse!”

  1. KTAranui Says:

    What a prick. Typical guilty actions. He panicked cos he lost his wedding ring that he sholdnt have taken off in the first place. I bet in his tiny mind, cheating on his wife when he’s wearing his wedding ring is just ‘wrong’. Never mind that his dick is going places she wouldn’t like. What a bastard.

    Last week I saw a client in his own home. I’ve been going there for 3 years, even been out for dinner etc with him. Unusually this time, when he paid me, it wasnt all ready for me in an envelope. He opened a drawer with money, his phone & other stuff in it. I politely turned away. Then he used the loo and I continued to get dressed.
    As he helped me on with my coat, my opened bag showed my phone flashing. He looked, then looked again and I said “Oh I think it’s just my phone flashing” and left it at that. He started to mumble and get flustered, then ne went to his drawer and rummaged for his phone. He obviously thought I had pinched it! He found it under papers and, still flustered, said something like, “I need my phone out so when you get home safe I see your text” to try to cover his actions,but I knew he thought I had nicked it.

    To say I was disappointed was an understatement.
    I mean, if I was going to nick anything it would have been a roll of loo paper as I’d run out at home.

    • Miss M Says:

      LOL! Oooh don’t – every time I go into the hotel bathrooms, I look at the mini bottles of shower gel and think ‘those would be so handy on tour!’.
      What an idiot, as if you’d risk *everything* for a damn phone!

      Although I’m sure it was most satisfying to give him a sickeningly innocent look when he found it 😉

  2. Lou4Fun (@Lou4fun) Says:

    Very Good our Mel x

  3. lettersbyvictoria Says:

    Hi Melody – I can’t say that I know what you are feeling, because I don’t. I haven’t live through the same experience. But I can certainly empathize. You spend a lovely evening with a “gentleman” and instead of a thank you / miss you already note, you are threatened. It’s sad. Very sad. Once I got a text from a gentleman after an overnight date. The text said the hotel called and had told him that a couple of bath robes were missing. He didn’t accuse me of taking them, but… 3 minutes later, another text came in saying he was j/k with a smiley face. That 3 minutes were probably one of the worst moments as “Victoria.” That someone whom I felt very close could even think that I could do such thing…

    A very warm hug to you from across the pond,

  4. blah Says:

    Hello. I’m not a client, not another escort. I’m not even someone that uses escorting services. I’ve read your blog on and off for maybe nine months and enjoy it immensely.

    Just to say that if a ‘someone’ comes along, it might be time to grab them. Everything you post lately seems to scream of wanting something more.

    Keep up the good writing. X.

    • Miss M Says:

      Of course, I need a man. Isn’t that always the answer! Oh wow! A MAN?! A SOMEONE TO MAKE ME WHOLE?! Oh fucking WOW! THAT’LL SOLVE EVERYTHING! AFTER ALL, ISN’T THAT WHAT EVERY GIRL WANTS?!

      Don’t be a massive twat.

      I think it’s important to remember that not everything about my life is in this blog as I – too -like to have a little anonymity. However, your suggestion that I need a ‘someone’ in order to have ‘something more’ still makes me want to smash my head on the desk, and throw the leaking, bleeding sinew and brain cells in your direction.

      Because, if you think about it, you only know what I want you to know about me. Welcome to the internet.

      This blog is my way to educate and blather about idiots who waste my time, or treat negotiable Ladies like idiots just because we enjoy sex work. So no, it’s not all kittens and roses. The only thing ‘more’ that I want is for prospective clients to not waste my time, treat ladies like shit, or accuse me of being a thief. Or for people who know absolutely nothing about me, or even the world of sex work, to not jump to conclusions that belong in the 50’s.

      And that’s pretty much been the way its always been.

      Or am I breaking the illusion that I sit around in my stockings and suspenders all day, doing nothing apart from this. No ambition or drive until my daaaaaahling hubby comes along to make my barefoot, pregant…something more. *Whistful sigh as I whistle bluebirds out the sky to do my cleaning*

  5. BBWRuby Says:

    Hey Melody,
    I’m so sorry that this happened to you. The Client concerned is an idiot and I sincerely hope he reads your Blog and appreciates just how insulting his behaviour was. Shame on him!
    Keep smiling, Gorgeous!
    BBWRuby xx

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