I never said it would be easy..

Sometimes, in this word of Ho business, I can’t believe how stupid some people can be!

 

I was having a random Google wander, skipping from link to link in a happy-go-lucky kind of way, when I stumbled on a question about escorting on a random ‘I’m-too-stupid-to-research-stuff-for-myself-so-I’m-just-going-to-ask’ answer site. Ooh, methinks, maybe I can help…

 

Que the need to snap my laptop shut and scrub my eyeballs.

 

So here’s a few more tips, just in case you really needed to ask.

 

* Ladies. If you’re looking to go it alone and want to take this seriously, earn the serious bucks, you will need a website. Of course, you can join an agency who will do it all for you, but they will take a large percentage.

 

*Don’t rely on your free profile on sites that have bajillions of similar free profiles. Either make it stand out, feature it, or advertise it on lots of other sites. And, like I said, get a website.

 

*That picture of you in Benidorm is lovely, as it that small fuzzy one of you holding your camera up in a mirror. But it’s not an escorting picture! Keep it on facebook where it belongs, and get a professional set. If you’re not sure where to get them from, email an escort and ask her where she got hers. RESIST photoshop. Yes, it makes you look lovely, but if a guy wants to see you, he wants to see you. Not some made up avatar. Use it to make pictures lighter, or blend out awkward wires in the background, but avoid ‘enhancements’

 

* Dido may make you feel warm and fuzzy inside, but don’t  have a soundtrack on your site. OR flashing stars! Generally, men are trying to look at your site discreetly. Or they may be in a hotel room, and on a shared wi-fi which will slow shit down. So why waste bandwidth on unnecessary gimmicks? They don’t care what song describes you – if they’re in an office, they’ll just click away and on to the next girl.

I followed my google trail to an escort site that was all very lovely, with somevery nice ladies, but within 5 seconds of being on the site, it starts blaring out ‘Hi! Welcome to Rumpy Pumpy Escorts, the leading escort agency in Rumpy Pumpy land..’ and on it went, basically advertising to the whole world that ‘YOU’RE ON AN ESCORT WEBSITE! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK AT THIS GUY ON AN ESCORT SITE! HE WANTS SEEEEEEEEEEEXXXX!!!!’

So, let’s avoid that shall we? Just a suggestion.

 

*You will be having S.E.X. It would be just dandy if a man thought ‘Aw, I’m a bit lonely tonight. I tell you what, I’ll pay an astonishing amount of money to have dinner with a girl, and not do anything with her.’ No, won’t happen. Sorry. You may think you’re witty, profound, beautiful, high class etc etc…but show me a guy who wants to pay you to have dinner with him, and I’ll show you my Olympic gold medal for the 100 meter hurdles.

I’ve had several appointments with guys who say ‘Oh, it’ll just be dinner/drinks!’ but it’s always lead to sex. Fuck it, sometimes it’s just been sex and I’ve had to get chips on the way home…

Don’t be naive. Don’t be fooled. And certainly don’t pay any money to agencies who claim that ‘for a small administration fee, you could be getting paid just to have dinner!’  You’ll make more money chasing leprechauns.

Besides, if a guy needs to pay a woman just to have dinner with him, I doubt he’s Mr Talldarkandhandsome with a house in Monaco and charm to spare.

 

 

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