You’re so vein, you probably think this blog is about you..

So, for the past few days I’ve been drafting about my Edinburgh adventure and a wonderful, lovely story I heard from one of the guys whilst I was there. But, as is normal for me, something has just tickled my niggle bone and I need to rant so I can clear my head.

A very wise woman once said ‘You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores.’ (Ok, it was Tina Fey in ‘Mean Girls’, but don’t be hatin’!)

Something that obviously wasn’t passed on to a  guy who emailed me this morning, with an email address that makes it sound like I should be sent to the vets before I give birth in a box under your bed…

Alas, due to mutual blocking, I fear I can’t repeat the full email. Needless to say it seemed to indicate that I was desperate to be seen to. Y’know, what with all women being bitches, whores, that kind of thing. And what was all this tirade of misguided misogamy for? A phone chat.

Of course, it makes it helpful if they say ‘Hey, I’d like to book a phone chat’ at the beginning, and then expose themselves as a massive twathammock, but some people will never learn! Especially when they’re emailing someone who’s obviously advertising themselves as dominant, and will therefore have no truck with such chauvinistic shinnanigans.

Then when I helpfully pointed out that he wasn’t really making himself clear –

Hi,Thanks for the lifestory, however you haven’t really explained what it is you actually want. If you’d like to set up a booking, please call me with your preferred day and time. My prices are on my profile. If you want phone sex, please use my direct chat number.

Or if you think my ‘cunt juices’ are flowing enough that I would meet you on a personal basis, then you really should rethink your approach to ladies.

Best regards,


Of course, he automatically has to fall back on my size. I honestly thought people these days could have a bit more imagination! Why not point out the fact that I obviously love poking boys in the bottom? Surely there’s some kind of insult there? But no..I’m fat, therefore desperate. Ay-yi-yi! Please people, get some more intelligent insults!!

But it doesn’t just end there! He still thinks he’s a prospective punter! He doesn’t just ignore, and think ‘well, wont give her my money then!’ He thinks I should actually pander to him more! I swear, some people just kill me..

So… if you’re so put off by the size I am, why bother?? Why not just *not* contact me? I think we would have both been better off. Now I have to point out that you’re actually a bit of an idiot because you seem to think I still might want to have something to do with you as a ‘prospective punter’.

Actually, I’m really not that desperate for a few extra credits. Fortunately there are enough men out there who aren’t massive bellends who enjoy my company enough to pay in person, rather than hide behind a phone, never having the balls to act out whatever fantasies you may have. Something which I have the luxury of doing almost everyday.

So enjoy your phone chats, and welcome to my block list. Hell, maybe I’ll even report you as well.

Frankly, I’m just not that desperate for that extra £1, and I feel sorry for the girls that are.

Someone told me this morning that I come across as quite scary in my blog. Well, look at what I have to work with 😉

(BTW, He’s made over 103 dirty phone calls. I’ve had waaaaaaay more than 103 dirty actual encounters. Y’know. As in, doing it in real life? Yeah, I win…)



One Response to “You’re so vein, you probably think this blog is about you..”

  1. AllanH Says:

    Maybe there’s an element of maturity needed before people realise what others think of there partner is largely irrelevant when it comes to appearance or occupation.

    In my twenties I was always attracted to larger women, but felt peer group pressure to conform, so tended to date slim women. Indeed, I married an ex-model, ignoring the facts that I needed to be with an intelligent individual, and that although she fit the magazine definition of beauty, I didn’t find her arousing.

    Now I’m with a women who more than fits the BBW description, and she’s very smart, and I am in heaven. My friends see that I’m deeply in love and couldn’t care less what she looks like, and I suspect some of them are envious.

    As for the garbage poured forth by your abuser, that just demonstrates a hopeless inadequacy of character, not to mention brains.

    What’s the point of his drivel? I suspect it’s because he knows what an insignificant individual he is, so he goes for a target who can’t damage him in front of his peers, who doubtless realise what a waste of space he is.

    As such, your responses are exactly what he deserves.

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