Know YOUR status??

I may be going over old ground on this one, but lets get the record straight.

A good escort is probably the safest person you’re ever going to sleep with.

Today, I got asked yet again ‘Aren’t you scared of catching anything?’

Well, no. Because if you look, I have this –

That’s right, a massive box of condoms. Small ones, big ones, some as big as your…well…you know the rest. All are extra safe- more lube on them, and thicker. Plus there’s lube, latex gloves, and a cup of tea.

The tea is more for my sanity.

But the lube is to make sure nothing rips. It’s water based, because the oil based ones are harder to wash away, so make it easier for bacteria to breed. It’s also glycerin free, because glycerine is basically made of sugar, and is no good for yeast infections.  Perfumed, flavored, and warming lubricants have also been shown to increase the risk of urinary tract and vaginal infections. So water based it is.

Also, oil based lubes can weaken the strength of the latex, reducing the strength of the condom by up to 95% in 15 minutes.

I also have the card of my personal sexual health advisor in my wallet. I can call her anytime, and discuss anything I’m worried about. Or just to book my quarterly appointment. Why do we go every three months? Because that’s how long some of the nastier things take to show in your blood. I also get innoculated against Hepititus B. Have you?

I also have eyes. If something looks wrong, then I’m not going to touch it and will cancel. What can I say? Some people leave their common sense at the door and think it’s OK to come and see an escort when they have a throbbing coldsore on their face..would you know the difference bwteen a spot and a coldsore?

I grew up with those old AIDS and HIV adverts. Philadelphia was in the cinema, and Freddie Mercury had just died. It was a BIG thing, and safe sex has always been drummed into me. Unlike older generations  -did you know that condom use is lowest in men over 40? I haven’t had sex without a condom for the whole time I’ve been working – either personally, and definitely not professionally.

Needless to say, out of the two of us in that room, I have proof that I’m not carrying anything nasty.

Oh yes, another thing that keeps me safe is that I blacklist all the arrogant twathammocks who think they can dare question my sexual safety when they bloody stink, and have just left skidmarks on my white sheets!


Yeah, that helps.

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