Please do not ask for credit, as decapitation often offends..

Gentlemen, Punters, and Chancers alike,

Here are a few words of wisdom about the price of your preferred Lady. Do take them to heart unless you would like to be blacklisted/punched in the balls.

Don’t Haggle.

Many, many ladies clearly point out that haggling offends, and it does.

You’re not paying just to stick it in and fuck off- even though that may be all you want. But if that’s what you seek, you’ll find that on the streets of King’s Cross, or at that sauna in the alley. You know the one –  it’s guarded by a couple of burly men who will charge you a tenner just to walk in. I’m sure you can happily haggle with them! Or don’t you have the balls?

But us? Don’t even try it, Mister.

See, we have a LOT of monthly overheads. We have to pay through the nose on advertising fees (£100+), website charges(£20+), phone bills (£10) and using working flats (£300+). Plus, when you arrive, there’s shower gel (£2), mouthwash (£3) , fresh towels, clean sheets and refreshments (£10). And do you know what? In 5 years of escorting, no one has ever bought their own condoms (£20)

I, however, have a ready supply. As well as lube (£5), baby oil (£2), tissues (£2) and baby wipes (£2).

And what about you tricky little buggers who like it a little more kinky? Fortunately, I have a wardrobe of uniforms(£200+), PVC (£100)and a myriad of high heels ready to go (£200+). As well as paddles (£50), whips(£50), canes (£20), rope (£20), collars (£30), dildos (£70), vibrators (£100+), strap-ons (£50) – and boxes upon boxes of latex gloves (£20) because, quite frankly, I don’t want anything messy going under my acrylics (£25)!

Speaking of which, there’s our own aesthetics to worry about. Manicures (£20), Pedicures (£20), eyebrows plucked (£10), legs & bikini lines waxed (£50), hair (£75), make-up (£30).

Then, after we take out all of that, we might, just might, be able to pay rent and feed ourselves.

But that’s just the cost. What about ourselves? Punters can see what we look like, gain an idea of us through websites, blogs etc. But we have no idea who you are. They may have no teeth, bad breath, crappy hygene…or they may just be complete idiots. And yet, we open ourselves up to everyone who comes through our doors, as it were..

We’re companionable, we’re charming…we try and find something, anything to talk about with even the quietest, most nervous of chaps. Do you know how hard that is? And men, if you think it’s tricky trying to get a hard-on when you’re nervous, just think about the poor WG whose been doing her best to help you out. There is nothing worse than a floppy staring you in the face…

So when someone calls me up, and asks what the best price is for half an hour, and expects me to say less than my *actual* rate, he really should realise that from that moment on, he has very little chance of getting an appointment at all. And, quite bloody frankly, my rates haven’t gone up in 5 years – though interest rates and VAT clearly have.

Nor does the cheapskate who tries to get a bit of domination, strap on, watersports, GFE, lots of oral, spanking and tie & tease in a 15 minute quickie. Not unless he was Doctor Who.

In which case, I might think about it!



One Response to “Please do not ask for credit, as decapitation often offends..”

  1. AllanH Says:

    And in one brilliantly articulate essay, I’ve been entertained and educated.

    And I didn’t even have to haggle over the price of the show or lesson.

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