Coin-Operated Girl, Interrupted.

Don’t worry, my recent absence hasn’t been due to a breakdown or anything. But for better or for worse, I’m back in London. My summer of Four Weddings has now gotten itself it’s very own funeral. Very cliché.

Anyhoo, I’m back! And that’s the important thing. Let us move onto brighter things!

I’ve been spending the past few weeks with my sister and her family, seeing what life would be like if I’d opted for the 2.4 children route instead. She lives in a very pretty part of the country, but a very strange one. As someone recently commented ‘I like it! Not many people understand it, but I like it!’ And it’s true, it’s just one of those bubbles you just don’t think exists outside of a League of Gentleman sketch.

They’re a proper neutral family…she’s a hairdresser, he’s a plumber. One boy, one girl. I had been planning to get a little pad down there for myself whilst everything was going on, but turns out I just needed their sofa for a while, so managed to get filled in on what was happening with Tracy Beaker, what the Most Deadly 60 animals are, and just who the f*ck is Mr Tumble. All at around 7am in the morning. I haven’t been up at 7am in the morning for a long, long time…not since I was seeing it through from the other side.

And there’s always some kind of drama. Someone screaming at someone else, something lost, something stolen…some kind of craziness is always happening. Whether it’s between the kids, the adults, or everyone in it together. There’s always something. So after a day of perpetual arguments, anxiousness and general arseholeness, my sister will still turn round to me and say – in all seriousness – ‘So, when are you settling down?’

Hang on…what? So getting up at various intervals in the night, and having to smile whilst your child tries to show how much she can count up to (which, let’s face it, can go on for infinity…made even worse by the phrase ‘No wait, I got it wrong, I’ll start again..’), and generally try to keep children, partner and various friends, family and work happy is better than waking up at, oooh..lets say 10am, to a lazy cup of coffee, the morning papers, a walk in the sun for a long lunch, followed by a few glasses of wine with some friends? Apparently, is it..although I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to see that for a very long time.

Maybe it’ll hit me one day, like a lightning bolt. But in the meantime, I’m very happy to wake up every morning without having to wonder who’s sticking their finger up my nose.

It’s usually my sister anyway.

So yes, panic over, I’m back. Still gonna be a bit sporadic for a little bit, but hopefully just at the weekends.

Now you may sing with glee and praise.

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