Psycho Killer, Qu’est-ce que c’est?

I’ve upgraded!

Ok, well, actually all I’ve done is buy myself a proper ‘writing’ chair, and a sexy new wireless keyboard and mouse…but it’s all for your benefit! And it was better than the backbreaking stool and tea stained keyboard I used to have. But to me, it feels like another step to being a proper grown-up.

The popular belief is that many blogs like these are written by girls in their underwear, casually flipping open a laptop and lying back on the sofa to document their latest thoughts, theories, and sexual conquests. And until yesterday, that was me too! (Thats right, just imagine me in my sexiest lingerie, kicking back and blogging. Certainly NOT in my pyjamas whilst semi concentrating on Eastenders..) But having to carry my notebook from place to place just in case the writing bug hit me just became a bit of a pain in the arse. So I’ve dusted off my old Mac, bought a real chair, with a real back, and have finally succumbed to the fact that my computer desk is not just a place to rest coffee and lubricant.

In an ideal world, of course, I’d be sitting in an old Chesterton, writing in a leather-bound book with crusty yellow pages, whilst wearing a smoking jacket and reading it all aloud in a voice not unlike Sir Ian McKellan’s. But you’ll just have to use your imagination. Ok, maybe not the voice…

But it’s been a lovely week, so I thought I’d treat myself!

First of all, there’s the official news that there will be a Curvy Girl Party on the 28th & 29th of April! I’ll be maiding, which is probably one of my favourite things to do in this job. It basically means I’ll be making sure everyone is chillaxing nicely, and keeping the refreshments topped up. Whilst I wont be joining in with the bedroom antics, I’ll be happy to take private appointments before and after the party. So if you can’t make it to East Finchley for my normal incalls, catch me during the party season and I can see you in central London.

You can find more details on my website or at the Curvy Girl Parties site.

It’s also been a pretty nifty week because for the first time in aaages, I’ve been doing a couple of outcalls! I started off only doing outcalls years ago, but now I have my own place they’ve kind of wained a bit. But for me it’s a real turn on to turn up at a grand hotel wearing my best evening wear, hunting out the lifts like a secret agent, and that fluttery feeling before they open the door…

Well, normally it’s like that anyway. My first one this week went a little wobbly because my sat nav refused to find the place I wanted it to, so I was a little late and flustered. Then, as I was trying to get out the car, I realised my skirt had ridden up to my hips and there was a man walking up and down the road, looking at me. I don’t think anyone in their right mind would step out of a car with their stockings on show, in the middle of london, at 11.30pm, with a man looking at them..

Imagine my state of mind when I finally got to the hotel, stepped into the lift, only for the same guy to step in with me. Great. Suddenly I’m having thoughts of Hostel and Saw run through my head..Trying to think what the newspapers would dub the dramatic demise of BBW escorts in the lifts of London’s hotels. The BBW Butcher? Elevator Executioner? Escort Exterminator? Yep..any of them can do. Openthedoor.openthedoor.Openthedoor….

Turns out he was the client.

Sorry for the anticlimax…but he’d spotted me, followed me, and completely failed to mention all of this before my mini heart attack.

So, tip No. 356…DONT go hunting for your escort on the streets of London. We will come to you. We will meet you in your room, as promised, not on the streets, or in the Lobby (unless we have to cos you may need a key to get in) or the lift. We have a routine, don’t mess with our Chi. Remember, you know what we look like, but we have no idea what you look like…so to us, a concerned client trying to help his companion for the evening try to find her final destination bears an uncanny resemblance to Jack The Ripper. K?

Fortunately, we soon got over it and skipped to the much more fun business of baby oil, and it’s appropriate applications.

Then – and this is just awesome to me – a drive through central London, in the dead of night. No traffic, no idiots, just me and my auto speeding through the streets like a kid in a dodgem. Brilliant!

Then I got to do it all again the next night! I’m getting used to this central London driving lark..as long as it’s completely dead of course. This time, the hotel was easier to find, and I ended up zenning out to some LBC radio – which handily had a phone in about how to do phone sex! Any tips help in this game, although I was disappointed to hear the expert say not to expect an oscar for your performance. What?! I put my all into it and get no recognition? Pfft! (But whilst I wont be walking down any red carpets, I know someone who will! SAAFE – a website dedicated to giving support and advice to escorts – has been nominated for an Erotic Award! A proper award with a ceremony and everything! Well done them 🙂 )

Anyway, another lovely appointment, where I felt like I wouldn’t be able to fit my head through the door after being given an hour of compliments 🙂 Certainly not something one can walk away from easily! lol! But remember, if one does have any compliments one wishes to express to one’s floozy, do feel free to express it on one of the many review sites, such as punternet.

/hint.

But a lot of belly lovers have been happily sated this week I feel. And I shall do my best to make them proud by continuing to grow and cultivate it appropriately 😉

And I have another outcall tonight! I don’t mind doing them late at night. Like I said, the drive’s quite nice, and it’s at such a point in the evening where I’ve had me dinner, let it settle, can watch some crap TV or at least set the sky+ recording, and maybe sneak in a disco nap before finishing the night with furtive explicit happenings! Quite a thrill, really…if it’s done properly. Anyone calling at 11pm asking me to go out and see them in the next 20 minutes will receive a swift visit to my blacklist. In fact, anyone, ever, asking for appointments within 20 minutes generally receives the same ticket. But I’m sure that’s not any of you, dear blog readers…!*

*Yes, someone did just call as I was writing this, asking to come round in 20 minutes. Of course he’s welcome to..it’s just that no one will be there to let him in, and he’ll have to wait in the car park for another 1 hour and 40 minutes whilst I arrive, tidy the flat and get myself showered and shaved. So, all in all, just best all round to heed the 2 hour notice bit thats on my site. Underlined. Italicised. And in bold.

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