I want to know what love is, I want you to show me…

Now, not sure if I’ve mentioned this. I may have said it in passing at some point, but just to reiterate…

We do not know you! We are strangers! Although you may have wanked furiously over our websites for months to the point where you’ve deluded yourself into thinking we’re going to know you, the fact still remains that we have no idea of who you are, or what you like.

Neither are we reference books.

A few weeks ago, I laughed so much my tea flew out my nose when a young lad (too young for me) finished a query email with the words ‘I hope you can teach me you ways..’. Needless to say, the reply may have included one or two Star Wars phrases (Well, if someone will treat me like a Jedi Master, it’s bound to go to my head!)

And today, I had the equivolent, in person. Uugh.

Alas, I didn’t pick up on any signals that this guy was after some kind of tutorial. If I had, I surely would have picked out my best Paperclip costume, and stood at the end of the bed saying ‘It looks like you’re trying to have sex, would you like any help with that?’ Not that you’d have thought he would. He was at least twice my age, so if I’ve done anything he hasn’t, I’d be highly surprised.

Plus things got on a bad start when 2 major ‘Punters Guide‘ steps were ignored.

‘I tried calling a few months ago..but no answer’.

Gosh! Sorry, I’ll have a good shout at my call centre. I really feel like a good shout today. Or..you could try calling on another day, or leave me a message – 2 very helpful suggestions that are on my voicemail.

‘Here’s the money. I’m sure you’ve got change’

No..because this is my working flat. Why would I keep money on site doing this job? You knew how much it would be, you’re in charge of making sure you have the correct amount. We’re not taxi’s…

I just knew he was going to be a difficult one when I came in with the usual refreshments, and he muttered those words I just live to hear..’So, what are you going to do to me?’


Ok, well, what do you like doing?

‘Oooh, I’m pretty straight..I just love trying new things!’

Oh, ok. Well, if you could submit a full biography of your sex life, I can cross reference it with what I do, and what I’ willing to offer to see if we can find ‘Something New’.

‘I like this…and that. I guess.’

Ok..well, lets do those, and see how we go 🙂 How about this?



‘No..don’t like that either..’


‘Not really.’

Ok, how about THIS!

‘Oww! Nope…!’

Ok..see where this is going now?!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I need a written list of what everyone wants before I see them, I just don’t want to be a reference book of sex. Cos really, chaps, there’s not much to it..especially when what you really like is a nice bit of GFE. You can do GFE in many wonderful, erotic ways. But don’t stand there demanding I ‘Show you my ways’ like I’m going to pull a rabbit out of my arse.

And especially, especially don’t finally shout out what you’d like to do when you’re cumming. I, like many WG’s work in a block of flats…not a sound proof bubble in the middle of nowhere. If that’s what you want, you’re going to have to add a couple of extra naughts onto the end of our fee…



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