I think I’m Paranoid…

So..this week is the Curvy Girl Party. It’s the first time I’ve participated in anything like this. Although I’ve always wanted to try one big Love-In, as it were, but I can’t help but worry that I’ll be like the red headed stepchild…

I know that on the scale of BBW’s, I’m right at the extreme end of the scale…. I’m a lot larger than the other ladies going, and what if the guys going just don’t dig it? Plus, this is four hours of action, so what if they dig it a bit too much? Oooh….all these questions! Im so pleased I managed to get a ‘practice run’ at the Pretty Big Escort party doing the maiding. It looked exhausting…! Think I’m going to have to guzzle down the lucozade..;D

And what if there’s some Obvious Idiot there who I’ve previously blacklisted for being..well…an Obvious Idiot? D’oh! Didn’t think this through..

But at the moment, I’m letting worries and fears stop me from getting all excited about something I’ve wanted to do for years! What a load of bobbins.

At the end of the day, I think it prudent to take advice from experts in the field of stamina and physical exertion. That’s right, marathon runners…

Hmm, so the Flora London Marathon runner site has these handy tips –

Marathon Tips

You have done your training, be determined that you will finish. Don’t give up unless you have an injury. Your mind will play games but don’t let it win!

Well, on behalf of myself and the gentlemen who’ll be there, I plan on finishing several times, thankyouverymuch. And yes, I have done my training…three appointments booked for this week which shoulc limber me up a little.

Check out your gear carefully. Lay it out 3 or 4 days before the race. Then you know you haven’t forgotten anything.

Lets see…condoms, wet wipes, tissues, towels, mouthwash…all present and accounted for.

Have a run (gentle!) the day before the race. Two or three miles will not deplete your energy reserves and it will relieve any tension or any pre-race apprehension you may be having.

It’s true, there’s a lot of tension there..but that’s what the guys are for!

Get a good book to read the night before the race or the morning of the race. It will stop your mind dwelling on the task ahead.

Hmm…would any of these do? (Although, I’m intrigued to know just why a search for adult literature threw up the Harry Potter collection…) (Mind you, Sirius Black, Severus Snape and Lucious Malfoy {Gary Oldman, Alan Rickman and Jason Isaacs respectively} thats some erotica fanfic right there!)

Eat a balanced meal the night before the race. This would normally include protein, carbohydrate and some fat. A nice dessert would be fine.

I’m pretty sure that there’ll be plenty of protein on offer during the day as well! (Too low? Did I cross the line? Probably…well, I should stop reading now. It’ll only get worse.) It’s good for the skin, apparently (see, told you..)

Tape up and grease. Surgical tape on nipples (male and female) and vaseline between the legs, under the arms and maybe on toes, if you are blister prone.

Oh, I never attempt anything like this without my tape and grease, I promise you that!

Shower and soap down the morning of a marathon. It removes body oils and helps the body stay cool, which is important to prevent premature dehydration.

Well, one would hope evryones had a shower and soap beforehand. And possibly during. Most definitely after..

Stick to an even pace you know you can finish in. Wear a watch and don’t get distracted in the excitement.

Much as I agree with a nice easy pace (except for maybe the bit at the end..) Dont get distracted by the excitement? Impossible, surely!

Carefully plan your timing to the start, so you don’t end up rushing or panicking.

Now, I never like to rush anyone, and the only panicking that happens is when the wife calls…

Don’t be on your feet all day the day before the race sight seeing or shopping.

Fortunately, I don’t plan on being on my feet at all. And I’m sure I’ll see enough Big Bens, London Eyes and Nelson’s Columns on the day itself to last me a lifetime.

Don’t wear any new gear especially shoes. All of your stuff should be tested and tried in the days before the race.

I fuly intend on leaving my high heels at home. With that many people around, something’s bound to flay out in the throws of passion. I could have someone’s eye out…

Don’t over hydrate before and during the race. You should sip water at every stop but not to excess. Never try glucose supplements if you’ve not used them before in training.

Good point! So gents…CIM is at a minimal! Although I do wonder how much glucose goes into that kind of thing…

Well, I certainly feel a bit more prepared now! I’m sure that as long as I pace myself, drink plenty of water, and stretch myself beforehand I’ll be fine!

Let’s just hope no one turns up wearing a Rhino suit.

rhino-marathon-costume

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One Response to “I think I’m Paranoid…”

  1. Brandy aka "Kinky" Says:

    Good luck Ms. M. You’ll be brilliant. SJ and I still have a chuckle at your wicked maiding capabilities at our do last Christmas. I wish you and all the other ladies a busy day.

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