The rise of the idiots…

Now, as  a Lady of Negotiable Affection, one would assume that – for the right price – I’d see to anyone who comes a-knocking. Not True. I take great exception to Obvious Idiots.

To be an Obvious Idiot, you must fulfill one or more of the following criteria-

* Relay street names to me, followed by ‘Do you know it?’ Let me see…No, I don’t. I’m not sure what’s wrong, but it seems like the Sat-Nav implant in my head appears to be out of order. So no, I don’t know where every street in London is. Do you?

*Ignore the ‘I need 2 hours notice’ line I make very clear on my website. ‘So can I see you in 20 minutes?’ OK…but you’ll still need to give me an hour and 40 minutes until I’m ready…hope you’ve bought along a good book…

*’Can you come over for 8pm?’ But it’s 7.53pm now….how am I supposed to get there in 7 minutes?! ‘Oh…well I’m in Heathrow.’ Ok…did you notice that handy section on my site? Explaining MY location? Thats definitely NOT heathrow? Or did you think I merely had to light up the floozy signal, and I’d be whisked away into your waiting arms? Perhaps you’ve gotten a little carried away with Star Trek, and are under the mistaken idea that Teleportation is real and ready to go! This, in fact, goes for anyone, anywhere, ever – no-one in London can reach you in 20 minutes. There’s not a plane, train or automobile invented that can battle London traffic enough to get you a lil’ summinsummink in under 30 minutes. The rest of the time is devoted to getting ourselves ready. See below…

*If you think we actually spend our day dolled up and waiting for your call, then you need to wake up and smell the baby oil. The difference between escorts and parlour girls is we offer a bespoke service. We cater to you, and you alone. So yes, we take a little longer to get ourselves, and our work places, ready because it’s worth the feeling of knowing you’re one of a kind, rather than just another on the conveyor belt.

*Why call if you have no idea of a day and a time that you want to meet? And then when you say ‘Up to you..’, and I give you a good time for me, why do you always follow it up with ‘Oooh…no sure I can do then.’ Well, then just f*cking say when you’d prefer!!! To be honest, if someone doesn’t immediately have a preferred day and time, I’m more inclined to think they have no intention of turning up.

* Call consistently when you can’t get through the first time. It does you no favours and makes you look like a complete weirdo!

* Ask me for details. Details which are painstakingly written on my website, which you must of looked at to get my number.. There’s a whole page dedicated to rates, location, services etc..why, oh why do you need to call up when it’s so nicely laid out for you? I think the answer to that question is pretty obvious…

*Ignore my directions. I’m happy to give directions from the station, but if you wander off your own merry way because you think your ‘Local Knowledge’ is better than mine, then don’t blame me if you end up halfway down the M3 and wondering why you’re about to end up in Southampton.

*Assume that I have nothing better to do than wait for you to arrive an hour late for your appointment. My cut off time is 15 minutes if I don’t hear anything. If someone calls me after that to say they’re gonna be late, then it’s probably going to be a no-go! If it’s hit the time when you’re supposed to be here, *then* call. Dont leave it another 20 minutes! How rude.

Unfortunately, it’s on the rise, and there doesn’t seem to be a damn thing I can do about it.

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2 Responses to “The rise of the idiots…”

  1. Gaz Says:

    Sounds like a Massive headache to be entirely honest!

  2. Miss M Says:

    That would be correct, it very much is! Hence my sudden unavailability whenever one of these idiots comes a-calling. Blacklisting software on my phone has been a gift from god!

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